I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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