Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
