Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize