Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
