you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
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This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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