I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
