so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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