Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
