you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
