Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
