I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
