I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
