I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My ATM looks so different sober.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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