And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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