So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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