im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
