Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We need a shit load of segways right now
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My ass is underappreciated
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
