office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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