her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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