I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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