If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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