Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
