It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
