yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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