Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
