You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
