i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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