you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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