Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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