Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
