I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This house was built for laser tag.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
