That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
