So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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