Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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