the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
