we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
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Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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