Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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