i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
