imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
