foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
