He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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