I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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