you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize