She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
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THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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