I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
