We won't sleep together?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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