I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
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Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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