I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You made out with two different species that night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
