Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
