the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
