i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
