I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I need moral support for this bender
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
