He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
