I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
