So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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