why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
