I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
