you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
