I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I got inside last night via doggy door
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
