Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
