I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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