If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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