when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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