You just made me feel so damn special
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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