he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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