i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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