My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
