you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
