quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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