so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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