If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
