I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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